like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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