please come you make the beer taste better
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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