if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
