Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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