I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
