the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
