If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
