Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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