I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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