Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
