well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
