paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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