I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
