You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
