my mouth tastes like poor choices
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
