I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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