Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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