just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
