Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
