why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
