didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
