I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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