Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
