Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
