Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
