Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
