I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
