Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
