There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
