Tell her she can't have a vagina
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
