I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
