i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
