Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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