youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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