see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
