dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
