Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
