I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
