I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
