Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
