Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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