Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
