i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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