When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
