I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Drunk is not a location!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
