Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
