i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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