I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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