News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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