we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
