just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
its liver damage thursday
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
