Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
