The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So many bounce houses so little time
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
