I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
