come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
