I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
