She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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