I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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