Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
