You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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