At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
