All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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